Opaaaaaaaaaa

That’s it, I’ve had it with apologies every time I don’t post for a while. God damn it, when I first started reading blogs I used to critisize all those bloggers who used to do that for the absurd importance they give themselves…AS IF there are millions anxiously waiting for a new post. Screw that. And if you guys wanna stop reading entirely just because i’m not consistent, so be it. We were never real friends anyway…

I’m so terribly sorry. I love each and every faceless one of you. Please don’t stop reading my blog. It’s my whole reason for being. Well, maybe not, but it still makes me happy to find that there are still those who are interested in what I have to say. Would you so coldly ignore a dying mans wish? Okay, i’m not actually dying per se, but we’re all gonna die one day…

So the REAL reason I haven’t been updating is that I’m taking the Mad World series and turning it into a book that will hopefully one day get published here in Egypt and get me put into prison for political incorectness and blasphemy. Wish me luck!

And just to prove that this isn’t just a lame excuse, here’s a small excerpt from the new material:

The official time of arrival is 9AM, but they gave us a leniency period of half an hour after that (bless their kind hearts) in case of traffic jams and what not, both of which occur rather frequently in Cairo (especially the ‘what not’). After 9:30 they deduct one day from your holidays. After 10, your arrival does not count at all. After 11AM, they castrate you, set you on fire then throw you off the roof flying downwards towards your death in a screaming, ball-less fireball.

So needless to say, everyone sets their targets on 9:29AM, including me, resulting in a huge crowd at the 4 elevators.

Now this is a scene to behold. Like sheep in suits everyone stands shoulder to shoulder in a giant heaving mass; “Baaaa baaaa excuse me baaaa pardon me baaaaa baaaaa” Every single person is trying to coyly maneuver themselves to be near to the elevator which is scheduled to arrive first. The best way to do this without being scolded by the rest, so I learned, is to find someone already near that elevator and go over to say hi. Even if you met them only once before and don’t really like them.

And everyday I see a certain something happen that drives me insane…every single god damn morning: smart, grown up and very well educated people…pressing the god damn elevator button repeatedly, as if thinking that this would bring it faster. I realize we’re all already late and only 90 minutes away from being castrated, set on fire and thrown off the roof…but is that a reason to completely forgo common sense and look like a jack ass?? Pressing the button repeatedly is exactly the same as shouting at the elevator door, assholes.

Did you enjoy that boys and girls? Then subscribe!